white_cheeto2

04:04 am: My mom said something to me when I got accepted into UNF and at first I didnt understand..She said "Mandy, you may miss Tampa, but you are gonna come back and realize that everybody here is doing the same thing that they were doing when you left.." Now I see that not only is that statement true, but In Tampa everything is falling apart. I feel like I need to be back there to support my friends who are dying or going through rehab or prison or just going through rough times, but then again the selfish side of me feels like my place is here and being here is keeping me from being in the same rough spot they are. Ted is in prison,Goose is in rehab,and now Scottie is in the ER because he got bit by a brown recluse. I dont understand why they cant just behave. I mean with Scott being the exception. The point is I miss Tampa and I am drowning right now. I dont really know how to react to all of this bad news. The only thing to do is put it out of my mind and continue with school. I need to do well so I dont end up in the black hole of drugs sex and death that is Tampa. Morbid huh?

05:49 am: RIP Dustin
I found out last night that a guy that I used to know passed away a month ago today from a coke and oxycodon overdose. I will never as long as I live touch coke again. I guess this is my wake up call. Its so weird because I was hanging out with him a week before he died and everything was just fine..same ol Dustin. Now he's gone

11:23 pm: I just got out of County..Possession of an alcoholic beverage in my own damn apt..I mean shit, if your gonna get arrested and spend a few days in jail at least get a cool charge right? But no..My mom is effing crazy as is Mark. Apparently they are shooting for a Residential Drug Rehab center for me to go to. Not cool..orient wasnt enough? Anyways as soon as I get out Brian tells me there is something he just has to tell me right away that is going to upset me. So I say hey Bri, please wait at least a day. Im a lil emotional just being out of jail and all. So he says I kissed Jessica last night, we like eachother alot, and Im starting to get attached. I didnt want to ruin our friendship by you seeing it. Grreat.My heart is totally and undoubtedly broken. I let someone in just to get fucked..ugh..I know I see alot of different guys..Brad Cory Erin Brian..but everyone knows who is always on my mind. Cory had his bitch ass gf call me tonight and tell me to stop calling her boyfriend, even though he totally calls me and said he liked me because the other Mandy lacks a personality. Brad leaves in less than 2 weeks to go overseas for 2-3 months..and Erin, well...hes kind of a penis..So Oh Well..I need to meet some new guys..peace..im on a mission

02:33 pm: Hurricane party....drunk...erin or brian?

02:12 pm: These are a few of my favorite things....
Brian, Brad,Cigarettes,Coffee,Cocaine,Chris Diaz,Pot,Lauren,Meagan,Goose,Stevie,Ficka My Bica, Oliver,Sagie,Army Brats,Benzo Diazaprenes, Tical Meow,Supercuts,Orgasms,Harry Potter,Starbucks,Tazo Passion Tea,Mania,BSB,Snow Patrol, John Travolta,Isaiah,Placebos 2CIS,Costa Rica,Hash,Webcams,Corona,Georges ex Molz,Acoustic Guitar,Guerilla Black,Mike Jones,Incubus,Korn, and most of all


THE COVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

07:41 am: Coffee and Cigarettes
So I spent the night at Brians last night...I know what ur thinkin, but no, no sex...not even close..just stimulating conversation and snuggling..I love that man,

And im wakin up with coffee and cigs..my 2 fave things

12:58 am: "and all you wanted was somebody who cares"
tonight it was one of the first nights i have felt depressed...i think maybe its because i have been running so long that Im just out of happy juice or something..that sounded really weird..anyways,shannon says she is going to rehab for a year..im not sure if this is a dramatization like the brain tumor thing but it has me worried, I really wanna see her before her court date..i mean thats what best friends are for right? to get fucked up the night before life altering court hearings.,.however, goose is partying with the lil ones which makes absolutely no sense to me...ugh..i started work at Starbucks yesterday,or training rather. And it is ridiculous...9 sessions to be exact of coffee tasting and coffee lectures...I cant take it anymore..im been so amped out on caffeine these past two days that i dont know if I can handle one more tasty espresso shot or latte..the caffeine crash is killing me..your UP UP UP UP and then DDDDDDDOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNN...im becoming part of corporate/legal drug dealing.,aka a barista..its freakin me out man..i am so sick of feeling all alone..there are always people around but nobody that cares..all these "friends" but no friends at all if that makes any sense. I have been hiding out from the crackheads..trying to get back on track, get into college, and im hoping they forget where i live. I cant take them anymore..my life during the summer turns into a downward spiral and hanging with them will send it into super speed,..

02:09 am:

Your Passion is Green

For you, sex is always fresh and new. You approach sex with innocence, even if you aren't as innocent as you seem! Gentle and slow, you aren't exactly known for your passion. But what you lack in smooth moves, you make up for in sweet charm.

07:02 pm: Up all night
"livin in a tweaker pad,gettin yelled at by my dad,sayin im happy when im not, findin roaches in the pot"-sublime

Another night up with the tweakers but tonight I didnt do anything except smoke..so that was 48 hours with no sleep bc of big pat manley and rossy..and other random people, including liz decosta...Madness! We talked civilly and we actually are kinda friends now..ironic

Anyhoo ross manley and big pat finally left at ab 5 promising to come back for this guy DG but definitely did not. So I told Christie to hold down the fort until everyone left while I went to sleep..I wake up at 6 pm and DG is still here

AHHHHH

We have gotta have a tweaker limit...

08:44 am: I was dreaming of the past
And my heart was beating fast
I began to lose control
I began to lose control

I didn't mean to hurt you
I'm sorry that I made you cry
Oh no, I didn't want to hurt you
I'm just a jealous guy

I was feeling insecure
You might not love me anymore
I was shivering inside
I was shivering inside

I didn't mean to hurt you
I'm sorry that I made you cry
Oh no, I didn't want to hurt you
I'm just a jealous guy

I didn't mean to hurt you
I'm sorry that I made you cry
Oh no, I didn't want to hurt you
I'm just a jealous guy

I was trying to catch your eyes
Thought that you was trying to hide
I was swallowing my pain
I was swallowing my pain

I didn't mean to hurt you
I'm sorry that I made you cry
Oh no, I didn't want to hurt you
I'm just a jealous guy, watch out
I'm just a jealous guy, look out babe
I'm just a jealous guy



-John Lennon